The days are a blur of nothingness. You may have noticed I have to catch up letters H, I & J … since the official announcement of the extension last week Thursday I have felt pretty lost and motivation for everything came to an abrupt halt. Add to that mindset a 3 day migraine and today is the first day in which some semblance of routine has been re-established. It is what it is and there is no use in beating myself up for it. But today I am grateful that I got in a 20 minute walk and did three-quarters of a draft for an English essay due in a couple of weeks. I feel like I have been productive and for a person who needs to feel in control, and has had that ripped away, that is pretty important for me.
How is lockdown treating you?
With billions worldwide facing restrictions of one kind or another this is certainly a unique time to be alive. An interesting comment by Russell Brand on his podcast this morning - to paraphrase - never before have we experienced something so profound which has impacted us both as a collective and an individual. No matter where we stand in this pandemic our lives as we know it will never be the same - both personally and collectively. On the personal front we have lost loved ones, we have family members and friends that are on the front line as essential workers whom we worry about, a lot of us have lost financial stability and/or our jobs. Many millions of people are starving as their ability to generate daily income to feed themselves and their families has been curtailed. Right now human life as we know it has changed irrevocably. Outside of the Spanish Flu pandemic between 1918-1920 and the 2 World Wars life has never been as restricted as it is today - to the extent that you cannot hug a loved one who does not live in the same house as you, let alone be with those spending their last moments on earth alone.
Psychologically I believe the cost of the pandemic will be incalculable.
I have no words of wisdom. Like you I am trying to simply manage on a day to day basis. I cannot say I have had any brilliant days. I haven't finished a single project or sorted a single cupboard. I haven't baked up a storm (although my kitchen has seen more cooking in 3 weeks then it has in 3 years - blame that on the son stuck with me in lockdown and I don't bake). My studies are seriously behind with some concern that the first semester exams may be shelved and War & Peace has been reshelved in favour of uncomplicated chick lit. I find myself scrolling way to much through social media and my new wake up times seems to be 9am... that is going to be fun when work does resume!
I am grateful for the fact that I have a home to shelter in, plenty of food, running water, internet, books and crafts, as well as company from my son who got stuck here (lives in the UK). I am very aware of the many who have little to nothing. I try to factor that in when I feel overwhelmed but I am also allowing myself to feel all the feels and not beat myself up about it. No matter what this is new territory for me as well and I need to let myself off the hook.
With 16 days to go none of us know what the eventual outcome of this will be. For me, I hope to be a kinder person. A person who takes the drive down to the beach for that walk instead of putting it off. A person who embraces a lifestyle in which less is more, knowing that I am abundantly blessed to be alive. My hope is also for a kinder society. One which takes stock and makes changes which is more tolerant of a lifestyle that supports life rather than glorifies consumerism. One which celebrates the real heroes of this pandemic and finds ways to support their local communities rather than the faceless corporations who truly do not care about the little man. A society which is kinder to the environment and more aware of how fragile life truely is.
Both personally and collectively we need to open our hearts to love.