Guess we are at about year 2, maybe edging towards year 3 for April.... on day 19 of what was meant to be a 21 day lockdown here in South Africa and is now a 35 day lockdown (with perhaps even another extension in mind - although hopefully not!).  

The days are a blur of nothingness.  You may have noticed I have to catch up letters H, I & J … since the official announcement of the extension last week Thursday I have felt pretty lost and motivation for everything came to an abrupt halt.  Add to that mindset a 3 day migraine and today is the first day in which some semblance of routine has been re-established.  It is what it is and there is no use in beating myself up for it.  But today I am grateful that I got in a 20 minute walk and did three-quarters of a draft for an English essay due in a couple of weeks.  I feel like I have been productive and for a person who needs to feel in control, and has had that ripped away, that is pretty important for me.

How is lockdown treating you? 

With billions worldwide facing restrictions of one kind or another this is certainly a unique time to be alive.  An interesting comment by Russell Brand on his podcast this morning - to paraphrase - never before have we experienced something so profound which has impacted us both as a collective and an individual.  No matter where we stand in this pandemic our lives as we know it will never be the same - both personally and collectively.  On the personal front we have lost loved ones, we have family members and friends that are on the front line as essential workers whom we worry about, a lot of us have lost financial stability and/or our jobs. Many millions of people are starving as their ability to generate daily income to feed themselves and their families has been curtailed.  Right now human life as we know it has changed irrevocably.  Outside of the Spanish Flu pandemic between 1918-1920 and the 2 World Wars life has never been as restricted as it is today - to the extent that you cannot hug a loved one who does not live in the same house as you, let alone be with those spending their last moments on earth alone.  

Psychologically I believe the cost of the pandemic will be incalculable. 

I have no words of wisdom.  Like you I am trying to simply manage on a day to day basis.  I cannot say I have had any brilliant days.  I haven't finished a single project or sorted a single cupboard.  I haven't baked up a storm (although my kitchen has seen more cooking in 3 weeks then it has in 3 years - blame that on the son stuck with me in lockdown and I don't bake).  My studies are seriously behind with some concern that the first semester exams may be shelved and War & Peace has been reshelved in favour of uncomplicated chick lit.  I find myself scrolling way to much through social media and my new wake up times seems to be 9am... that is going to be fun when work does resume! 

I am grateful for the fact that I have a home to shelter in, plenty of food, running water, internet, books and crafts, as well as company from my son who got stuck here (lives in the UK).  I am very aware of the many who have little to nothing.  I try to factor that in when I feel overwhelmed but I am also allowing myself to feel all the feels and not beat myself up about it.  No matter what this is new territory for me as well and I need to let myself off the hook. 

With 16 days to go none of us know what the eventual outcome of this will be.  For me, I hope to be a kinder person.  A person who takes the drive down to the beach for that walk instead of putting it off.  A person who embraces a lifestyle in which less is more, knowing that I am abundantly blessed to be alive.   My hope is also for a kinder society.  One which takes stock and makes changes which is more tolerant of a lifestyle that supports life rather than glorifies consumerism.  One which celebrates the real heroes of this pandemic and finds ways to support their local communities rather than the faceless corporations who truly do not care about the little man.  A society which is kinder to the environment and more aware of how fragile life truely is. 

Both personally and collectively we need to open our hearts to love. 

Love Always

Who guides you?  Who do you turn to when you are looking for words of wisdom, guidance and even acceptance?  Who do you consider someone of value who can teach you?  The question I am asking is who is your Guru?  

Wikipedia defines a Guru as follows:
Guru (/ˈɡuːruː/, UK also /ˈɡʊruː, ˈɡʊər-/; Sanskrit: गुरु, IAST: guru) is a Sanskrit term for a "teacher, guide, expert, or master" of certain knowledge or field.[1] In pan-Indian traditions, guru is more than a teacher, in Sanskrit guru means the one who dispels the darkness and takes towards light, traditionally a reverential figure to the student, with the guru serving as a "counsellor, who helps mould values, shares experiential knowledge as much as literal knowledge, an exemplar in life, an inspirational source and who helps in the spiritual evolution of a student".[2] A guru is also one's spiritual guide, who helps one to discover the same potentialities that the guru has already realized.[3] In the Tagalog language, Indonesian[4] and Malay the word means teacher.

There are thousands of self styled Guru's out there.  Ordinary people imparting their brand of  wisdom in the form of quotes, memes and sound bytes.  All wanting to grab a piece of your attention in the hopes you will share their words. It is hard to decide who deserves your attention and who you need to pass over and only your own personal set of standards and values can make that choice.  

In the past decade or so my 'personal' public Guru's, from whom I have gleaned the most guidance from, has been the likes of Brene Brown (Gifts of Imperfection), Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love), Cheryl Stayed (Wild), Julia Cameron (The Artist Way), Mark Nepo (The Book of Awakening). Jon Kabet-Zinn (Mindful living).  Through their talks, books and podcasts I have discovered Ted Talks, courses and information which has helped me calm my anxiety, deal with my ghosts and grow myself mentally, physically and emotionally.  It has all been soul work into which I have immersed myself on this journey to my Higher Self.  They laid the breadcrumbs.  It was up to me to follow the trail. 

Following these public persona's also led to a connection with 9 other like minded souls scattered around the globe forming a sisterhood I never dreamed possible.  Through them I have learnt to dig into my empathy, compassion, tolerance, joy and creativity.  We have each lived rich lives made all the more richer through our connection. 

Now given the strange days we find ourselves living, where control is truly out of our hands and our movements are dictated to by governments desperately trying to keep us healthy and alive, it has never been more important to find our own personal Guru's.  You don't need many, you don't even need more than one.  Although I have a fairly extension list of resources built up over time I never usually tap into more than one or two at a time.  Their messages are different messages and where I am at in life dictates which I respond to.  Right now, given the high levels of personal fear and anxiety I am experiencing, I find myself turning towards the calmness of Mark Nepo's voice on his daily Growing In Place on YouTube.  Short 5 minute readings, stories and poems which are a soothing balm.  Another has been Patrick Stewart's daily reading of one of Shakespeare's Sonnets.  Neither of these require any input from me other than my ears for less than 10 minutes a day.  Doable, especially on the days when my concentration is non-existent.

Be kind to yourself during this time.  

Love Always

Fearmongering definition : The action of deliberately arousing public fear or alarm about a particular issue.

On an ordinary day you would not get through the day without coming across at least one fearmongering type headline, unless you lived under a rock that is.   Jump to April 2020 and in the midst of the global Covid-19 pandemic and every second headline, article and meme seems to generate fear on levels unknown to many of us.  That fear is what started the run on toilet paper.  Followed by sanitizers, wipes and face masks.  Suddenly it felt like the apocalypse had arrived and we all rushed to stockpile... in the process sparing little thought for those without means to do the same and leaving empty shelf after empty shelf. 

Covid-19 is a pandemic which we need to take seriously but to do that we all need to have at our disposal the correct information allowing us to make informed decisions in order to protect ourselves, our loved ones, the communities in which we live, the economy that generates our incomes and the democracy which makes it all possible. 

But when you have fake news, government officials with conflicting reports, politicians using the pandemic to score cheap points against the opposition, strong arm tactics of law enforcement appearing to show little compassion, and simple and plain stupidity of some people who believe they are above the recommendations and the law, all you are left with is a fertile ground for disinformation and scare tactics. 

There is no quick fix to this problem. 

Who do you trust in a world that is changing too rapidly to keep up?  When all day, every day you are bombarded with numbers, headlines and fear. 

Who has your best interests at heart?

Rely on the facts - and by I mean that don't take the first article you come across as fact.  Research.  Check on its authenticity and the sources quoted.  Use discernment in who you follow on social media - now is the time to stop following those accounts which seem to rely only on sensationalism to get their message heard. Find a reputable news source but still fact check everything.  Ask questions.  Listen to the answers and fact check it against information already out there.  If you are uncertain about anything then pause before sharing - and again fact check - don't spread fear unnecessarily.  Bear in mind always that the media, politicians, big business, people in positions of power always have their own agenda.  They need to protect their bottom lines first and the only way you will protect yourself is to fact check everything and make informed decisions.

And please for the love use your common sense!  You all know that toilet paper is not your first line of defence against a virus which affects your lungs!

Love Always 

This is a tough one even without the zombie world we find ourselves in at present. 

Admittedly I have never been a fan. Who would be?  I was never a sporty kid, doing the bare minimum that was required at school.  Briefly after my final year of school I got into the gym thing with a friend and found myself working out a hour or more a day, 6 days a week... and then I guess life happened.  Marriage, kids, divorce, back to work, remarriage, step family.... I infrequently saw the inside of a gym in between all of this and over the last decade my exercise has included a stint with a personal trainer, belly dancing and yoga, another attempt at gym membership... and then an 18 month bout of illness including a sprained food, tick bite fever and a bug picked up in Canada, which took nearly 10 months to shake, stopped all exercise in its tracks. 

So 2020 was the year I was to get back in the saddle.  Time to take my health seriously and that includes getting back into a physical exercise routine.  And lets face it age has caught up and I am no longer that 18 year old fresh out of school able to do a hour of gym, followed by 7 hours of dancing at the club and then up again for the work day at 6am.  These days I am lucky if I can surface coherently at 7am, get through the work day and study before falling into bed again by 10pm.  Anything later than that takes 2 weeks recovery time.... 

So what exercise you ask?

My favourite yoga studio no longer has sessions at a time I can make after work and I am not yet competent to try it alone at home so I will continue looking for classes.  I simply don't have the rhythm for belly dancing and I was definitely not signing up at the gym again.  Personal training a bit to much of a strain on the budget with paying for studies and buying textbooks... and my main criteria was that it had to be something that I could do outdoors and with people... sadly life in South Africa means going for a walk around the neighbourhood after work is not really viable for a woman on her own. 

Luckily for me a chance Facebook posting highlighted that Run Walk For Life was operating in my area again.  And so mid January to mid March saw me getting in 2 or 3 sessions a week and looking for safe options on weekends to make it 4 sessions a week... and I was just getting into my stride and starting to build up to a comfortable 30 minute session when bang...

Global pandemic struck 

​Social distancing meant no meeting for walks and lockdown has restricted all South Africans to their property - no exercise off property allowed for 21 days... we are 11 days in.  I have however perserved and am wearing a path on my driveway... I get about 150 metres a lap so get my 30 minutes in a day ... and practise a lot of gratitude that I have the space to do so!!  So whilst I am not an enthusiastic athlete I know one of the things keeping me sane in these strange days is the ability to still be able to get outside and exercise. 

Love Always

How many of us pray?  How many of us even know how to pray?  Does prayer bring up memories of kneeling next to your bed as a youngster saying your nightly prayers before bedtime?  "Dear Jesus, thank you for my lovely Mum, for helping me pass my test and please help Daddy say yes to getting me a puppy, Amen".  At what age did your parents either give up the routine (in an attempt to get some peace for themselves) or did you decide it was no longer "cool" to pray and thus refused to take part in the nightly ritual... leading to your parents giving up in the hopes of getting some peace!  To be honest I don't think it was something I ever had my kids to do, not because I didn't have time, but because I didn't really believe in who they would be praying to...

Prayer had long been something I did in a moment of terror... "Please God, I promise if you do this then I will do/not do that".  Sound familiar?  I left organised religion in my early teens when I was already disillusioned enough to no longer believe that there was a benevolent Old Man up there in that vast sky looking out for me.  For one the Bible was scant on the theory of evolution (and I was one of those kids... why, how, who) and two who was I to warrant attention from him out of the billions here on earth who surely deserved it more.   Added to that was my experience, already at that tender age, that many who went to church for a couple of hours on a Sunday sure didn't practise what they preached for the rest of the week and I didn't want to be a part of that!

Whilst I knew something was missing from my life I wasn't prepared to re-enter organised religion to find it.  So I moved through my 20s and 30s lacking in faith but still not sure how to reconnect with the Divine in a way that would bring me peace without feeling like I was selling out for something I didn't really believe in but felt I had to.

Over the last seven or so years I have found myself drawn more and more towards a establishing a practise of prayer, or devotion as I call it, that had meaning for me.  Meditation, although not easy, has now become an almost daily practise, with this being the first year that I notice when I am skipping days and itch to get back to my cushion.  My on/off practise of gratitude (I try to do it daily but yeah, life...) is also a form of prayer.  Receiving with thanks and giving without expectations are all prayer.  And what has now become a daily habit of noting my Devotion for the day, thanks to Danielle LaPorte's Desire Mapping process, has brought me the closest I have been to daily prayer since I was a very young child.  

For me Devotion isn't about believing in SOMEONE, it is about believing in MYSELF.  In my enoughness and worthiness of good things by being just as I am.   That there isn't a hidden agenda of criteria that I have to meet to be loved. When you find your connection to the Spirit, Divine Feminine, God - whatever it is you are comfortable calling it, then you will realise faith is an inside job every day and whatever form of prayer you practise it is always good enough. 

Love Always