Valentines, 50 Shades & Porn
It has been the weekend of LOVE. Valentine's Day 2015 was yesterday. Close to $19 billion, yes that is 19 BILLION DOLLARS was expected to be spent in the US alone yesterday. Don't get me started on what that could have done for world hunger. That's a lot of money to spend expecting to get lucky. And really it is a quid pro quo system in a lot of cases sadly. And that works both ways! She expects the gifts. He expects the sex. And it is reserved for ONE day in the calendar, out of a whole 365.
Yes you guessed it - another 'holiday' that is not high on my list of favourites. First off again it comes down to commercialisation. Valentines Day things were in the shop by January, before the back to school madness even started. Sex is simply the last thing on the mind for most moms who are still trying to get past Christmas and through back to school.
Added to the hype of Valentines 2015 was the release of the much anticipated 50 Shades of Grey movie. Well for those people who are too lazy to pick up a book or are titillated at the thought of sex on the big screen, with societies permission. Imagine that, who thought porn would get into a movie theatre near you.?
However in my opinion there are going to be a lot of people walking out bitterly 'let down' and 'unsatisfied' ....The women are expecting romance and heat they felt reading the books, the guys are expecting porn.... another unsatisfactory experience...
Ladies please read the book. But with some thought and understanding. I am the mother of 2, twice married. Most certainly not a prude who has lived a sheltered life but there were things in those books that
(a) made me blush
(b) I had to Google search as I had NO idea what they were on about.
When I first read the books in conversation with other ladies reading it I still remarked there was no ways they could turn these into movies. They would either have to cut out all the sex or age restrict it as a hard core porn movie. If you have an ounce of an imagination in your head it will run riot with the books. Book 1 is fairly tame but by book 2 and 3, well the gloves come off... my eyes were certainly opened.
I did and still do credit the books with doing a lot for opening up dialogue between women and then between partners. They started to talk about sex after these books. What they wanted, needed and liked and they didn't feel like tramps doing it. They could reference 'popular culture' and at least talk. That is good. But that is where all the good stopped.
Of course there are 2 sides to that which is why I won't be watching the movies. (Besides the fact that I firmly believe it is almost impossible to translate a book into a movie. Once you have read the book you are forever spoilt against the movie).
I myself am a survivor of abuse and while I can appreciate the 'story' of 50 Shades and the 'erotic literature' I would not be able to stomach watching it. Not when I know she is being coerced into consenting. He is using his wealth and influence. Everything screams emotional and mental abuse. You can talk yourself around it all you want. I bought the books and read the story but I'm intelligent enough to stop throwing my money at something which supports an abusive relationship. He justifies his behaviour as the result of being abused as a child. Yes I get all that. However she can't fix him and the books allow us to believe she can.
I can see so many young girls getting fooled by this. An acquaintance borrowed my books. She is young, impressionable. and newly married, nearly 30 so certainly not a child. But she thinks Christian Grey is such a romantic soul. A man after her heart. Nope darling... he's a man with a whip and he wants to beat the crap out of you for his pleasure. And he won't stop when you use the safe word, which goes against everything that BDSM stands for! However I know nothing I say will change her mind. I've cautioned her not to see the movie. However I think her husband may convince her otherwise.
According to reviews most of the sex is cut out of the movie (sorry guys). How much of the Red Room of Pain and the other pieces from the book is in I don't know. I can see this is another conversation I will have to have with my sons. You have to tell them that 99.999999% of women do not like what they see in porn movies. Having watched some hard core porn I cringe at what some of those women do put up with. And this is where men and women differ. Men are aroused by the visual whereas women would rather let their imaginations work. Porn in the visual form simply doesn't do it for me and I know not for most women. And it is because it isn't reality.
Now I have to tell them that most women would most likely lay a charge of assault against them if they were to strike them in anyway so for heavens sake talk about it first!! That any form of spanking, smacking, restraining etc needs consent, knowledge and awareness that no is no. You can't shut your eyes and pretend it away, rather be open and honest and explain it so they understand.
It's hard being a parent today. You can no longer hide behind the 'birds and the bees' and think a packet of condoms and the morning after pill will take care of any problems. Kids are exposed to hard core stuff before we even realise. I can almost guarantee a lot of the ' hard core' movie scenes in 50 Shades are nothing in comparison to what most 16-18 year olds have already accessed via mobiles and tablets thanks to the internet. And even then with the younger kids if you turn on the TV it is a case of sex sells so almost everything they see exposes them to sex in some way.
I wonder who will address the state of their sex lives 20 years from now?
Valentines Day leads to a lot of expectations and false hopes and results in a lot of let downs and broken hearts. This year I think we'll see a double whammy thanks to 50 Shades of Grey. Life isn't as simple as Ana & Christian would have us believe.
Sex between 2 consenting partners is a gift. Treat it as such.
With communication and trust it is the closest you will ever be to another human being while on earth. You expose all your flaws and risk ridicule but if you feel safe you will take that risk. With the right lover you will never feel those body insecurities. You will feel like the most gorgeous person on the face of the earth no matter how you look. You should feel treasured, satisfied and loved, even if it isn't a permanent relationship, after sex, or love-making, however you want to term it. Don't sell yourself short when it comes to the satisfaction of your needs. You should be comfortable to just be.
That should be the state of your sex life.
Happy Valentines 2015