Tomorrow it will be 18 years since I said hello for the first time...
Today I am finally shutting the door and saying goodbye for the last time....
We meet people every day of our lives and we never really know what the true impact is that they will have on our lives. Some will do good, some will do bad. We will only learn as time goes on which it is. How we deal with it ultimately decides the impact it has on our lives.
This is especially true in our romantic relationships. He called me his Angel.. (from the same song as Shaggy) - he lied... and we both know it... just taken me a helluva long time to really work through all the emotions and heal. And it is a hard lesson to learn that someone you really gave your all to, that you loved with everything you had, never loved you back. I won't lie, it hurt, that same sting as a paper cut. And it took a long long time to heal. The scar will always be there, but the sting is gone and the hurt has passed.
A lot of people over the years have told me that I must write a letter to say goodbye. Put down all my anger and bitterness and then burn it. Cast it to the fires of hell. Something always stopped me. I think I just knew I couldn't go on those terms. Hate, anger and bitterness gives control ... to the other person... you are still trapped by their power. I never wanted to say goodbye on those terms. It needed to be on my terms only. For too long it was always on his terms. Enough.
Last night I was finally ready. And I wrote my letter. It isn't filled with hate or bitterness. It doesn't even really list all the things that went wrong. It is simply goodbye. It is a way for me to finally let go and be at peace. I wish him no ill will. We have children and will share grandchildren one day... our lives will forever be connected by those bonds. But his power is now gone... he can no longer break me.
I give him one credit... had it not been for his actions I would not have become the strong, independent woman I am today. I was strong and independent before him but not in the way life needed me to be. Now I am and for that I will be ever grateful. Having survived this and having risen above it I know that I can rise and conquer anything that comes my way. I can stand proudly and be satisfied with what I have achieved.
My closing paragraph of the letter
"But this is now the end of the book between us. Our final lines before I set the book back on the bookshelf. The story is told and the lesson is learnt. Time for me to carry on moving forward."
I move forward at peace.