Here we are .... 51 days left of 2014. Where did this year go?????? Are you all as shocked as I am at how it has just gone, vanished, disappeared... this time last year I was getting ready to start my 2nd Nifty Fifty project which I teamed up with 50 blog pieces. And here I am doing it all over again. Except this time I'm going to use photos taken through the year as I haven't gotten around to editing all of them and this is now the perfect excuse for me to kill 2 birds with one stone!!
Why am I writing again? Well the year simply got away from me and time and circumstances didn't allow me to write. I don't want to call 2014 my 'worst' year ever as I didn't suffer any traumatic deaths or accidents however it certainly has been my most challenging year on this wonderful planet of ours. I have faced numerous traumatic challenges - tough love decisions, mental and physical health problems never experienced before. The discovery of my backbone. The loss of friendships due to boundaries. It has without a doubt been my toughest year. However over time and with hindsight I will probably reach the conclusion that it was my most successful year to in terms of my own personal growth and self love.
This time 20 years ago I was sitting down to write my Matric exams. My subjects being English, Afrikaans, Maths, History, Geography and Biology. Someone I managed to pass Maths with a decent C - still not sure how and come 5th overall in my year for Queensburgh Girls High when all the results were in. Academics though don't count for much in the real world as I have discovered over the last 20 years. I would rather have learnt about more practical things that would have helped me negotiate a long tough 20 years .... as predicted I have never referred to Algebra once since leaving school.
As they say hindsight is always 20/20... don't we all wish that we all knew then what we know now. The God's are not that kind to us though. You need to get knocked on the head, sometimes a few times, to learn the lesson and the value behind it. A lesson always keeps returning until it has been learnt.
I took the safe option of a Secretarial Diploma so I would always have a skill to fall back on (somehow I managed to fail Typing at school and had to take Maths!). In hindsight I was just too scared to travel overseas. I wasn't ready to leave the safety of the nest for the big scary world.... little did I know that in 2.5 years I would be not only be out the nest, but I would have a nest of my own, with another following a short 26 months later.
No regrets. Regrets are a waste of energy and it would mean that not only would I not only not have my 2 beautiful sons but I also wouldn't be the dynamic, vibrant, creative, passionate, slightly paranoid, probably crazy, definitely insane woman I am today.
So where the hell am I?
I'm not too sure. I'm facing down the last 50 days of the toughest year of my life. I've had some of the highest highs, amazing times with amazing people, some of the lowest of lows. I've laughed, both in humour and hysteria. I've cried both in sorrow and insanity. I've been filled with energy and inspired to fill pages of my journal and I've been so exhausted that I've spent entire weekends sleeping. I've felt joy, despair, happiness, sadness, pain, pleasure, excitement, fear .... sometimes on scales that were simply way too extreme.
I've discovered that I actually do have a sense of humour. I can laugh at myself and the things that happen to me. Seriously if I had to write a book none of you would believe it. My story reads like a piece of fiction. Truly. But I can laugh and for somebody who has been diagnosed with chronic depression that is vitally important - that is what gets me through the day.
So over the next 50 days I am going to share with you things that have touched me over the last year. Things I wanted to comment on at the time but simply had no energy to. Stories which I found uplifting. Others which horrified me. Some cause me to have strong opinions. Others make me wonder why the world bothers to give it air time. Funny videos that have made me smile. Ones which have made me cry. My favourite photos of the year. People who have touched my heart and soul with their kindness (those of you who were mean are safe - I don't name and shame). Blogs I enjoy. Instagrammers I follow. Things that have caught my eye or my soul, or both.
My take on life.
Enjoy. Comment if you feel inclined. All of you are a part of my life through choice. Your friendship, love and support over this past year has been incredible and appreciated.
Much love always