will we discover the infinite power of our light."
~ Brene Brown
verb: explore; 3rd person present: explores; past tense: explored; past participle:explored; gerund or present participle: exploring
- travel through (an unfamiliar area) in order to learn about it.
- inquire into or discuss (a subject) in detail.
- examine by touch.
“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.”
And tonight it's hard to write because I am in more of a running away and hide from life kind of mood. I don't want to explore or embrace anything. I'm feeling vulnerable and tired and just not up to finding the light but I know that if I hide from the negative feelings then in the process I'll destroy whatever joy is out there just waiting for me to discover it.
There is nothing earth shattering wrong in my life. Just the normal hassles which pass through from time to time. And while I do have the option of writing a happy, bouncy post all about exploring I know that I'm not honouring my authentic self because in this moment that isn't how I feel. And that is what all this writing is about, showing up and being authentic to myself. Learning to be present in the moment even if it the moment is a bad one.
Exploring who we are before we wander out into the world is the same as learning to love ourselves before we will know how to love others. If we can have a true understanding of what our personal darkness looks like then we will in turn learn to recognise our personal light.
I know that even as I write this I am making myself vulnerable (and that makes me just want to hit delete and rather do that happy bouncy post!). Anyone reading this can brush it off and say "just pick yourself up and get on with it, there is always someone worse off then you." I know that there are most definitely others who are dealing with things that are far more soul destroying or hurtful at this exact moment, but that doesn't mean what I'm experiencing doesn't count. If I turn away from acknowledging how I feel then I also turn away from any chance of finding a spark of happiness, no matter how minute that spark may be.
So I'm going to keep this short and sweet. Right now I need to switch off and take some time for self-care. It's a cold miserable night, the first really cold night of autumn so self-care for me is a cup of tea, a good book and my duvet...... together with a good nights sleep. It doesn't mean that when I wake up tomorrow my troubles will be gone but they will be softened with the knowledge that I also made time for joy and self-care instead of just wallowing in self pity.
My will to survive and overcome is the infinite power of my light.