"The possibilities are numerous once we DECIDE to act and not react."
~ George Bernard Shaw
~ George Bernard Shaw
decide
dɪˈsʌɪd/
verb
verb: decide; 3rd person present: decides; past tense: decided; past participle:decided; gerund or present participle: deciding
dɪˈsʌɪd/
verb
verb: decide; 3rd person present: decides; past tense: decided; past participle:decided; gerund or present participle: deciding
- come or bring to a resolution in the mind as a result of consideration.
- make a choice from a number of alternatives.
- give a judgement concerning a matter or legal case.
- come to a decision about (something).
- resolve or settle (a question or contest).
- make a choice from a number of alternatives.
Do you act or do you react?
No matter how you spin it do you understand that you are making a decision no matter which side of the coin faces up? You decide whether you react or act to every situation you are placed in.
Mother Nature has endowed us with that wonderful natural response of flight or fight. However 99% of situations we will find ourselves in we decide what our response is and therefore we are also deciding on the consequence of that decision.
As they say every action has a reaction.
The thing is decisions become overwhelming for us. We make thousands of them on a daily basis, from basics like what to wear or eat (which for some can be major!), to more involved decisions when negotiating traffic and on occasion even decisions that have to be made in the face of life threatening conditions where often reacting and acting are one in the same.
So it isn't always clear cut but that is life.
One of the principles I have tried to incorporate into my life are those of The 4 Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. The agreements in the nutshell are :
Don't take things personally & Don't make assumptions are the 2 agreements that will help you when you have to decide whether to react or act. So often we'll get an email or text that immediately has the hair on the back of our necks stand up in irritation and so often we'll pound out a response and hit send before any thought passes through our mind on how to actually deal with the situation, you know in that mature adult behaviour way we supposed to always be able to call on. I know I used to just pound out the responses and still sometimes I don't catch myself in time but with practise I am finding I am able to control that impulse to react and will rather sit with my reply for a couple of hours, or a day if necessary, before I respond.
And you have to WANT to change your behaviour. It won't happen on its own sunshine.
Why do I want to change MY behaviour? If someone had the nerve to send me an email or text that was nasty in its tone or content then why don't I just respond likewise? If a co-worker, shop assistance or child snaps at me why don't I just snap back. Why should their feelings be taken into account?
Because I've been where that person may be. I've been at rock bottom where I didn't have the patience or thought to compose the words which would get my message across without being nasty. I've intentionally hurt people with my reaction because I didn't have it in me to stop and act. It isn't the way to live. We have too little time on this planet to go through life constantly being defensive, and being defensive is what happens when you react like that. You shoot off a harsh message and it's guaranteed you'll get one in return and it could be an awfully long time before the wounds are healed enough to be bridged.
I choose, as often as I can, to not take the words or actions of others personally. Perhaps they are having a bad day or have just received really bad news - you simply don't know what that person is dealing with and it is always easier to be a bully then confront your own demons. That's often why we will send out those harshly worded texts or emails.
I try to not assume I know what their intention was with their words or actions, especially as tone of words is notoriously difficult to pick up in an email or text. What I think is iffy you may not even react to. Don't assume you know the full picture behind that message either - a work related complaint, a frustrated partner, a tired looking shop assistant - all of those can dramatically affect the tone of a message and allow us to wrongly assume we were personally a target. Just stop and breath before you respond.
Decide to act. Every. Single. Time.
Your decisions, every one of them, plot the pathway of your life. As often as possible decide to make good ones to make the pathway smoother for yourself. There are already enough potholes to negotiate, don't make more.
Love Always
No matter how you spin it do you understand that you are making a decision no matter which side of the coin faces up? You decide whether you react or act to every situation you are placed in.
Mother Nature has endowed us with that wonderful natural response of flight or fight. However 99% of situations we will find ourselves in we decide what our response is and therefore we are also deciding on the consequence of that decision.
As they say every action has a reaction.
The thing is decisions become overwhelming for us. We make thousands of them on a daily basis, from basics like what to wear or eat (which for some can be major!), to more involved decisions when negotiating traffic and on occasion even decisions that have to be made in the face of life threatening conditions where often reacting and acting are one in the same.
So it isn't always clear cut but that is life.
One of the principles I have tried to incorporate into my life are those of The 4 Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. The agreements in the nutshell are :
- Be impeccable with your word
- Don't take things personally
- Don't make assumptions
- Always do your best
Don't take things personally & Don't make assumptions are the 2 agreements that will help you when you have to decide whether to react or act. So often we'll get an email or text that immediately has the hair on the back of our necks stand up in irritation and so often we'll pound out a response and hit send before any thought passes through our mind on how to actually deal with the situation, you know in that mature adult behaviour way we supposed to always be able to call on. I know I used to just pound out the responses and still sometimes I don't catch myself in time but with practise I am finding I am able to control that impulse to react and will rather sit with my reply for a couple of hours, or a day if necessary, before I respond.
And you have to WANT to change your behaviour. It won't happen on its own sunshine.
Why do I want to change MY behaviour? If someone had the nerve to send me an email or text that was nasty in its tone or content then why don't I just respond likewise? If a co-worker, shop assistance or child snaps at me why don't I just snap back. Why should their feelings be taken into account?
Because I've been where that person may be. I've been at rock bottom where I didn't have the patience or thought to compose the words which would get my message across without being nasty. I've intentionally hurt people with my reaction because I didn't have it in me to stop and act. It isn't the way to live. We have too little time on this planet to go through life constantly being defensive, and being defensive is what happens when you react like that. You shoot off a harsh message and it's guaranteed you'll get one in return and it could be an awfully long time before the wounds are healed enough to be bridged.
I choose, as often as I can, to not take the words or actions of others personally. Perhaps they are having a bad day or have just received really bad news - you simply don't know what that person is dealing with and it is always easier to be a bully then confront your own demons. That's often why we will send out those harshly worded texts or emails.
I try to not assume I know what their intention was with their words or actions, especially as tone of words is notoriously difficult to pick up in an email or text. What I think is iffy you may not even react to. Don't assume you know the full picture behind that message either - a work related complaint, a frustrated partner, a tired looking shop assistant - all of those can dramatically affect the tone of a message and allow us to wrongly assume we were personally a target. Just stop and breath before you respond.
Decide to act. Every. Single. Time.
Your decisions, every one of them, plot the pathway of your life. As often as possible decide to make good ones to make the pathway smoother for yourself. There are already enough potholes to negotiate, don't make more.
Love Always
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